Silence howls in empty screams
Across a wild and painful sky.
While emptiness like rolling waves,
Pitches sadness on a fearsome sea.
We knew it was coming and neither of us was particularly looking forward to the day. Chris has recovered enough from the heart attack to return to work, but work means Vienna. While he wrestles with the limitations his recovering heart now places on him, we both wrestle with the reality of separation. He has to return, so that we can move forward. We have to find a way out of this part of our lives and into the next one and that means, for a while longer, we live in two places.
It’s the silence that gets you. The absence of someone in whose company you feel at home. I miss the noise of the TV programmes he watched, I have become accustomed to Drew Pritchard, of Salvage Hunters fame and the shouting voice of the narrator on “Wheeler Dealers’, as I walk up stairs. I miss the cups of tea offered while I work – now I have to make my own. Things left behind are things to cling to and bring with them a dilemma – do I wash the towel left hanging over the shower door, because it was the last thing he used? Don’t worry pragmatism kicked it. It would be smelly in a few days, so it went in the washing basket. Its back to Face Time and frankly the real thing is better.
However, I know I will find my sea legs on this journey across the ocean of ‘singleness’. I have done it before and a few days out from land, I will be comfortable with me again. I can do this! I can settle in front of the TV and turn Strictly Come Dancing on!